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A Long and Winding Road

In January of this year, I started a weight loss program and it went really well… for a while. All was going great until I was told that we could no longer afford for “extra things.” I would like to know when my health and well being became an extra thing but in September, my program was cut out of the family budget. I had lost 80 pounds. That was the most I had ever lost and I was so proud of myself. As soon as they told me I couldn’t go anymore, it was like the light at the end of the tunnel disappeared behind a fog. I knew by trial and error that I couldn’t do this whole “lose 200 pounds thing” by myself. I had spent my entire, yes, ENTIRE life going through diet after diet after diet. I found something that actually worked and they just took it away from me like it was nothing… like I was going to be fine without it. I realize some people are probably sitting at home thinking “losing weight is so easy all you have to do is exercise and eat right.” NO. You are wrong. You are horrifically and indubitably incorrect. It isn’t easy when you have an eating disorder. Again, there are people who don’t believe that eating disorders are real but they are. I am a chronic binge eater. And no, binge eating isn’t just porking out at a buffet. Binge eating is restricting yourself all day then eating literally everything at night. A lot of the time I don’t even realize that I’m doing it. It just sort of, happens. I practically black out everything and just go at it. I think I have triggers, actually. I’ve noticed that every time I think something negative, my immediate reaction is to go eat. Also, when I look in the mirror at my body, all I want to do is eat because of how much I hate myself. I need help and I don’t know where to go. I want to change so much but I can’t do it alone. I need guidance. 

I’m sorry about how long and unstructured this is but I needed to vent my feeling because it’s been a long night.

Stay strong,
Allison

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“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”
~Oscar Wilde

If everyone on this Earth is meant to be unique and different, why do we all work so hard to be like someone else? Why do we feel this incessant need to be like the popular girl or the quarterback? Is being who we are not good enough? It’s not that other people think we should be different. It’s that we think we need to change who we are to become someone we think other people will like. I personally believe that if everyone was happy with themselves and loved who they are the world would be a better place. Somehow, our society has missed that being unique and original is a lovely thing. Media works so hard to make people aspire to be what’s on the cover of Vogue or Cosmo. Why can’t everyone be their own type of beautiful? Is “different” honestly all that bad? I truly do believe that people have forgotten that beauty is on the inside and that’s what people want to love. The person you are on the inside outshines what’s on the outside. So, in saying that, be who you are and what you want to be. As long as you do that, people will love you and want to be around you. This is a message that I often struggle to uphold. I think a lot of people struggle with it too. Fight the need to be a part of the monochrome, lifeless world and be yourself.

Love always,

Allison

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Happiness

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When I hear the word happiness only questions come to my mind. We’ll get to those later, though. I recently watched a documentary called Happy directed by Roko Belic. If you haven’t seen it, it’s on Netflix and you can buy it at WalMart. I definitely don’t think you’ll regret it. It really got me thinking about what true happiness is and whether or not people are truly happy with their life. I think that there really is a science behind happiness and being happy. I think we, as human beings, look for happiness in all the wrong places. It isn’t something we can find in a store which I think throws us off. We think that if we pay off that one bill or get that new car we will gain happiness but we don’t. I think we often confuse satisfaction with happiness. When we get the pressure off of us we can relax but is that really being happy? Now, onto my list of four questions about happiness.

  1. What makes us happy?
  2. Why are so many people unhappy?
  3. Where’s the happiest place on Earth?
  4. How can we achieve true happiness?

Okay, so, what makes us happy? Well, first off, there are two types of happiness: extrinsic and intrinsic. Extrinsic happiness is happiness you seek from outside sources. You gain extrinsic happiness from money, image, and status or popularity. This type of happiness only lasts for a short period of time. Often times, people are not satisfied with their lives when they only seek to find outside happiness. Don’t feel too bad about this though, it’s our nature. We get caught up in something called the hedonic treadmill. This is when we adapt to what we have and need more to re-up our happiness. This often times has to do with material possessions. I guess people really get used to the fancy life. On the other end of the spectrum there’s intrinsic happiness which comes from within. This comes from helping ourselves and others. What really makes a person happy is having close, supportive relationships with friends and family. Even though you may not like them, family and friends are the key to true happiness, not your new car. I truly believe that so many people are unhappy because they focus on the wrong thing. They focus of getting new things when they should be focusing on is bettering themselves and their relationships with the people around them.

After some extensive research, I’ve found the happiest place on Earth! I know what you’re thinking, Magic Kingdom, but unfortunately, that is not the happiest place on Earth. I think for many parents it’s kind of like a hell of some sorts. However, I digress, Australia is ranked number one on The Washington Post’s list of Happiest Countries In The World. I guess if you’re feeling a bit down go Down Under and play with some kangaroos or something. I find it funny that the US ranked number six on that list. Out of ten countries on the list we didn’t even make the top 50%. We focus entirely too much on being number one in the world economically that we really lack a concern for our nation’s emotional health. I think that may be why we see so many commercials for depression medications. People think that just because they feel a little down one day that they have a serious illness and need a pill when really, all they need to do, is take some time for themselves and do something for themselves.

My point being, material possessions don’t bring you long-term happiness; in fact, it only brings you very short-term happiness then you’re on to the next shiny thing you want. I think that if everyone focused more on their inner self then the world would be a much happier place. There would be far less unhappy people that could affect our moods and put the whole population in one big, stinky, awful mood. I don’t think anyone wants that mood cloud floating around above us. In closing, take some time for yourself and build strong family ties and friendship and your “happy ship” will be ready to set sail into the sunset!

Love always,

Allison

P.s. Be happy!

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Are we truly infinite?

Are we truly infinite?

Are we, as teenagers, infinite? Are we honestly that naive to think that we live forever? Yes, we can have one of those nights that make us think youth and life are, indeed, infinite but the hard truth is that we aren’t. Our lives could end at any moment and it’s over. That thought truly does scares the hell out of me. I’m a little bit of a hypocrite because I know that our physical bodies don’t last for an eternity like our souls do but knowing that I want to do everything I possibly can before I have no more chances to do so. Does that mean that no matter how dangerous or risky something is that I should do it or should I stay at home and live life going unnoticed or even unhappy just so I can live longer? It’s something that I think I’ll always wonder about. I want to get out and do things and live life. I want to feel infinite for the rest of my life.
Love always,
Allison

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Hello!

Hi! I’m Allison and this is my new blog! I don’t know whether anyone will actually see this but I’m going to give it a go. I’d like to tell you a little bit about myself so I’m going to tell you my life story. No, I’m kidding. That would take entirely too long. But, uh, here it goes! So, I was born in Virginia and I’ve lived here my entire life. I’ve lived in the same house for 17 years. Oh, I’m 17, by the way. I have a mom, dad, and brother whom I love dearly. I’m 1/16th Choctaw; which, yes, isn’t very much but it plays a very large role in my life. I embrace my heritage and love being Native American. Onto hobbies, then. I live and breathe music. It’s my rock when I feel like my entire world is falling apart. I play piano, cello, guitar, ukulele, melodica, and I sing. Music is something I will always have inside of me and there it will always stay. I’m Christian but church isn’t a big part of who I am.  I was raised in a church that wasn’t very loving or Godly, to be honest. I soon stopped going after a series of rather unfortunate events which makes me sad but I had to do it. God is still a part of my life but I often struggle with my faith. I have never lost faith in Him but sometimes it’s hard for me to understand why things happen. I enjoy learning new things but school is not something I enjoy even though I am a scholarly young woman. Something that’s very huge in my life is my weight loss journey. I suspect that it will be a very large part of this blog. I think that falls under “Life & Things,” right? Anyway, I hope you learned lots about me and stick with me as I age, learn, and progress in my life. This is my story and I would love to share it with you as new chapters are written!

Love always,

Allison